A Sequential List of My Thoughts During My First Bikram Yoga Class

1.     I think I could fall asleep in this savasana pose (or whatever you call it)

2.     Hey this isn’t so bad

3.     That lesbian looking guy in the front breathes loud

4.     I don’t look too bad when I sweat. Kinda sexy.

5.     How the fuck am I supposed to be able to twist my arms like that?

6.     Yo yogis suck at squats

7.     Waaaaaterrr

8.     This instructor should not have taught yoga.  She’d be better fit to be an SS officer.

9.     Oh my God I am going to die. 

10. We’re lying down now, I can do this.

11. I can’t do this.

12. I can’t feel my pulse.

13. I may or may not be dead.