A Sequential List of My Thoughts During My First Bikram Yoga Class

1.     I think I could fall asleep in this savasana pose (or whatever you call it)

2.     Hey this isn’t so bad

3.     That lesbian looking guy in the front breathes loud

4.     I don’t look too bad when I sweat. Kinda sexy.

5.     How the fuck am I supposed to be able to twist my arms like that?

6.     Yo yogis suck at squats

7.     Waaaaaterrr

8.     This instructor should not have taught yoga.  She’d be better fit to be an SS officer.

9.     Oh my God I am going to die. 

10. We’re lying down now, I can do this.

11. I can’t do this.

12. I can’t feel my pulse.

13. I may or may not be dead.

When Calories Don't Count

Some people haven’t heard of this list and they’re fools.  This list is constantly growing so, please all entries are welcome. 

1.  Finals Week and the Week before Finals Week.
     You’re working hard enough.  Go get it.

2. Holidays.
   It’s hard to believe that this even needs to be on here.  It should really go without    saying.  Christmas?  Eat up. Martin Luther King Day?  Binge-o!

3. When on your period.
  Pretty sure this is scientific.

4.  After sex.
    Once again, science.

5. If you’ve cried that day.
   It’s alarming how many of these are becoming scientific.

6. On Vacation
   Drink your calories.  Eat your calories.  Just don’t burn them off.

7. If someone else buys your meal.

  That’s just called etiquette.

 I think I am forgetting times when calories don’t count.  Let me know if you have any.